POSH: Er, Karl... Karl, don't tell anyone, but... I'm having second thoughts.

KARL LAGERFELD: Thoughts are for the DULL, darling. BE AMAZING.

POSH: Fine, babes, but my problem is just that I don't think I should have worn this after all. I think I look a bit stupid, actually.

KARL: RIDICULOUS! You are a DIVINE dish served cold. I would eat you with caviar if I could and then polish my glove with the CRUMBS of your GLAMOUR.

POSH: See, David said this looks like a bad rug that the royal family rolled up and stuck in a closet in Windsor Castle. But my sister disagreed -- she thought this belonged in Camilla Parker-Bowles' nightie drawer.

KARL: David is a PRECOCIOUS flesh nugget INDEED. Dip him in mustard. HE IS A DELIGHT. But kill your sister.

POSH: Look, I just sort of feel like a 19th century prostitute, Karl. And I'm not sure it's the look I should be going for now.

KARL: It's like I told that delightful Lindsay Lohan -- "To look like a freak is to be ALIVE WITH FASHION, and also, WASH YOUR FACE IN CHAMPAGNE."

POSH: You're mad as pants, aren't you? You're more bonkers than a shed in a limousine.

KARL: I've grown tired of your complaining. You're just AFRAID TO BE FABULOUS. Now leave me unless your breasts make martinis.

----
Text: Heather | FUG

PARTIES PARTIES PARTIES (with or without panties):

* Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week kickoff
Where: The Box, 189 Chrystie St., nr. Stanton St.
When: February 1, 9 p.m.
Who: Mena Suvari, Nick Cannon, and L.A. band Shiny Toy Guns.

* Vionnet launch
Where: Barneys New York, 660 Madison Ave., at 61st St.
When: February 2, 6 p.m.–8 p.m.
Who: Everyone. Victoria Bartlett, Gilles Bensimon, Phillip Lim, Olivia Chantecaille.

* Rock & Republic after-party
Where: Hiro Ballroom, the Maritime Hotel, 371 W. 16th St., at Ninth Ave.
When: February 2, 10 p.m.
Who: Mark Ronson, designer Mark Ball, and a gaggle of catwalkers. Lady Sovereign will perform at midnight.

* Marc Jacobs after-party
Where: Eugene 27. W. 24th. St., nr. Fifth Ave.
When: February 5, 9 p.m.
Who: The Olsens, Jessica Stam and every model worth looking at.

* Heatherette after-party
Where: Roseland Ballroom, 239 W. 52nd St., nr. Broadway
When: February 6, 10:30 p.m.
Who: Lydia Hearst, Tinsley Mortimer, Amanda Lepore, and Paris Hilton.

Reminder: Fashion Week 2007! Here's the general overview:

DATES
New York: February 2 - 9
London: February 12 - 16
Milan: February 17 - 24
Paris: February 25 - March 5
Los Angeles: TBA

GREAT COVERAGE
VOGUE

FAVE LOOKS
In Casa insider Alice Pringadi's New York Fashion Week Picks and Top Looks

WANT TO GET IN?
By invitation or be a volunteer.
How to be invited if you don't know anyone? hit fashion parties on Thursday (a day before the Fashion Week), network hard, and get invited by an insider.
How to apply as a volunteer? email Rhonda Erb at IMGNY_volunteers@imgworld.com

MISCELLANIOUS RESOURCES
- OLYMPUS/ MERCEDES-BENZ FASHION WEEK
- Cathy Horyn for The New York Times
- Craigslist, for example this
- Win NY Fashion Week Goodies
- Tyra, Giselle, Rosie, Vivica @ UNeQ Mag Launching/ Post Fashion Week 02.09
- NY Mag
- The Daily

SOME HOT SPOTS
Pre-Fashion Week: Spring St.'s Starbucks, SoHo
Fashion Week: at designated locations
Fashion Week Nights: Marquee, Bungalow 8, Rose Bar, SoHo Grand, Hudson, Maritime, Stereo, Plumm

COOLEST THING
(other than the soiree and the goodie bags)

Cotton Inc. VIP Cab Card: Cotton Cab complimentary taxis, all week in the city from the Tents.